I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
