And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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