Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
