If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
