You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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