I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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