Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she looked like the before picture.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
