I got chris browned last night
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
