Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
