TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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