i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
