your thong is hanging out like whoa
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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