toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
