Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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