which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
