Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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