What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
