Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
