Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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