The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
