I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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