rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
