I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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