The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
