A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
