Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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