I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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