Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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