he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
