maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
