come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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