I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
