I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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