he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
