OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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