You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Floor bacon is actually really good
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
