Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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