3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
