I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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