We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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