The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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