You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
