we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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