so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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