WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
