so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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