Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
