between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
