If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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