The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
