All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
