Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
