You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
