I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
