I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
