I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
