Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
