I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
