So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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