You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
