Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
