u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize