Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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