After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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