I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
