I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
