All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
