Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
