the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
