it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
