first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
