theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
