Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
