i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We are all done wearing pants today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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