I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
